


Falleen are definitely mammals (Reply to Sleazebaggano: A sentient reptilian species obtained mammalian reproductive strategies by hybridogenesis)

by Carmarthen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Academia, Alien Biology, Biology, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Humor, Pastiche, Science, Snark, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26378731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carmarthen/pseuds/Carmarthen
Summary: It is thus with great surprise that I read the recent article by Sleazebaggano [9] that argues that Falleen are "reptomammalians" descended from reptiles that acquired mammalian reproductive strategies—including gestation and bearing of live young and production of a nutritious substance from pectoral mammary glands to feed those offspring—via hybridogenesis, i.e., ancestral mating and subsequent hybridization with a mammalian species.(An academic fight about whether Falleen are reptiles or mammals, because I wanted to write fic in the style of a snarky reply letter.)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 19





	Falleen are definitely mammals (Reply to Sleazebaggano: A sentient reptilian species obtained mammalian reproductive strategies by hybridogenesis)

_Galactic Journal of Astrogenetics and Phylogeny_ \- Vol. 849, No. 3 (3247) 

## Falleen are definitely mammals (Reply to Sleazebaggano: A sentient reptilian species obtained mammalian reproductive strategies by hybridogenesis) 

_Evaan Betgiri a_

_a Department of Medical Astrobiology, University of Alderaan, Alderaan_

The Falleen ( _Homo falleenensis_ ) are widely considered one of the most unusual so-called "near-human" sentients in the known galaxy, due to their close convergence with certain reptilian traits, namely, the presence of small vestigial epidermal scales on some individuals [1] and their poikilothermic nature [2], the latter of which has been described metaphorically but inaccurately by some authors as "cold-blooded" [3]. Although poikilothermy, or variance in body temperature under different conditions, is commonly associated with reptiles, amphibians, and fishes, it is also known from a number of mammalian species in the galaxy, including the naked sand rat ( _Caelrattus nudus_ ) of Tatooine and the canopy sloth of Kashyyyk ( _Xenatra somnulenta_ ) [4]. Early speculation that Falleen are humanoid reptiles [3] has been dismissed based on extensive evidence from genetic [5] and morphological [6] studies, which demonstrated conclusively that _H. falleenensis_ is a sister taxon to the "baseline" human, _Homo sapiens sapiens_ , having diverged from a common ancestor relatively early in the history of Galactic settlement [5]. This phylogeny is further supported by the effectiveness of Falleen pheromones on _H. sapiens_ and other human species [7] and by the existence of rare infertile _H. sapiens_ x _H. falleenensis_ hybrids conceived without medical intervention [8]. 

It is thus with great surprise that I read the recent article by Sleazebaggano [9] that argues that Falleen are "reptomammalians" descended from reptiles that acquired mammalian reproductive strategies—including gestation and bearing of live young and production of a nutritious substance from pectoral mammary glands to feed those offspring—via hybridogenesis, i.e., ancestral mating and subsequent hybridization with a mammalian species.

While the astroanthropological literature has documented romantic and sexual relationships between various reptilian and mammalian sentients [10, 11], there are no known cases of such pairings producing offspring, even with extensive genetic intervention [12]. Sleazebaggano also seems to have ignored the vast body of work on one of the defining characteristics of the mammalian clade—that of lactation—and the role of permanently enlarged mammary glands in most humanoid mammalian species [13–15]. Colloquially speaking, if it has breasts and lactates, it's a mammal. Sleazebaggano might cite the amphibious Gungans ( _Meesa gungana_ ) of Naboo as a counter-example. However, until recently this species was secretive and poorly known to the wider galaxy. Recent work by Aquatia et al. has demonstrated that the apparent "breasts" of "female" Gungans are in fact temporary pectoral egg sacs borne by any Gungan in the egg-producing life phase; these egg sacs likely served an ancestral function of protecting early-stage eggs from predation by fish in the dangerous pre-urban period of Gungan evolution [16]. Falleen, on the other hand, have mammalian breasts with functional lactation [6, 14, 15], as well as hair, another distinctive characteristic of mammals [17].

Look, this just isn't how biology works. You can't put a mammal and a reptile in a pheromonally laden environment, as Sleazebaggano suggests, and somehow end up with a "reptomammalian." What does that even mean? If a reptile can hybridize with a mammal, the categories lose all meaning and we might as well throw away the whole taxonomy and start over. It is not entirely clear whether Sleazebaggano truly endorses his incredible hypothesis or if this is a social experiment to expose the rampant flaws in the intragalactic academic publishing and peer review system. Regardless of intent, he has certainly managed to do so.

While the author's arguments are easily dismissed with reference to the well-established literature and require no further rebuttal, the significance of this article's publication in a reputable galactic journal with a wide readership is of grave concern and merits further scrutiny.

**Acknowledgments**

The author thanks Sssrsk Nia-Tae from Hsskhor Public University, Trandosha, for critical discussion and for insight into Gungan physiology.

**References**

  1. Nia-Tae S. 3238. Convergent evolution of epidermal scales in various taxonomic groups. _Astrobiology_ **657** (S1).
  2. Roarbacca, Trey’etu S, and Majom WA. 3207. Thermoregulation mechanisms and strategies among the sentient primates (Family Hominidae). _Biomechanics & Metabolism_ **8945** (3).
  3. Polo M. 3056. _Fierce and cold-blooded: the sentient inhabitants of Falleen_. Sentiologia Publishing, Coruscant.
  4. Mothma R. 3245. Poikilothermy in non-sentient mammals: a review. _Journal of Galactic Biology_ **664** (2).
  5. Damask H, II. 3244. Whole-genome sequencing reveals divergence point of the Falleen ( _H. falleenensis_ ) branch from a common human ancestor. _Galactic Journal of Astrogenetics & Phylogeny_ **846** (1).
  6. Grant A, Killdarn M, and Bokiana S. 3216. Morphological evidence for Falleen ( _Homo falleenensis_ ) as a sister taxon to humans ( _Homo sapiens_ ). _Morphological Phylogeny_ **823** (4).
  7. Szexor S and Monoceros T. 3238. "Pheromonal hypnotism": a phenomenon experienced by members of several human species (genus _Homo_ ) when exposed to Falleen individuals. _Sex Research (Falleen)_ **69**.
  8. Xazlic, Xiss, and Zamia. 3244. Phenotypical variation among baseline Human x Falleen hybrid individuals. _Biology (Falleen)_ **453(6).**
**
  9. Sleazebaggano X. 3247. A sentient reptilian species obtained mammalian reproductive strategies by hybridogenesis. _Galactic Journal of Astrogenetics & Phylogeny_ **849** (2).
  10. Essk and K’ssir. 3227. [Trandoshan-Zabrak romantic partnerships in the Trandoshan epic poem _Battle Song of Hsskhor_.] _Trandoshan Literature & Culture_ **19** (3). (In Trandoshan.)
  11. Areeba G. 3216. Love in a time of conflict: cross-species mate-bonding among refugees from the Third Rodian War. _Outer Rim History Annual_ **66.**
**
  12. Slumgullion J, Slapp THE, Rovac, and Stan I. 3242. Failed _in vitro_ hybridization of Human ( _Homo sapiens_ ) and Transdoshan ( _Panourgosaurus kore_ ) embryos. _Reproduction (Coruscant)_ **56** (1).
  13. Jinn W-T (editor). 3240. _Mammals_ , 67th edition. Coruscant University Press, Coruscant.
  14. Fortuna J. 3244. Enlarged mammary glands among sentient species: functional or just sexually appealing? _Journal of Galactic Biology_ **663** (4).
  15. Xelveer, Zamia, and Xiss. 3231. Chapter 7. Reproduction. In _Basic Falleen Biology_ , 7th edition. Royal Sizhran University Press, Falleen Throne, Falleen.
  16. Aquatia L, Chucka J, Anaas T, and Binks HH. 3246. Gungan ( _Meesa gungana_ ) reproductive adaptations increase odds of tadpole survival. _Naboo Journal of Sentiology_ **4** (3).
  17. Xeyonxe. 3246. _Ponytail Lookbook Spring 3246_. Falleen Beauty Press, Falleen Throne, Falleen.
**** 


**Author's Note:**

> -This is very, very loosely based on a collision in my brain between the [Velvet Worm PNAS Paper Saga](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/national-academy-as-national-enquirer/), one of the most batshit scientific publishing scandals of recent years (this [response letter](https://www.pnas.org/content/106/47/E131) was also an influence), and the Wookieepedia [Falleen Legends](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Falleen/Legends) article ("The appearance of breasts and other mammalian characteristics in Falleen females and males have also led exobiologists to believe that Falleen had a mammal ancestor").  
> -The actual author thanks taenia for instilling this madness by telling me that yes, I did need to go down the rabbithole of _Star Wars_ phylogeny, and also for long ago introducing me to the Velvet Worm PNAS Paper Saga.  
> -taenia also suggested the Gungan pectoral egg sacs and came up with the brilliant _Panourgosaurus kore_ ("clever lizard girl") for Trandoshans and _Meesa gungana_ , which made me actually snort out loud.  
> -I don't have a Watsonian reason for why they use Linnaean taxonomy in the _Star Wars_ 'verse, but the Doylist reason is because I personally think it's funny.  
> -I went with the [Lothal Calendar](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Lothal_Calendar) for dates; this whole exchange occurs sometime between TPM and AOTC.  
> -Nia-Tae was previously mentioned in [Waste Not, Want Not](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7898200) as the describer of the Common Swamp Dianoga.  
> -I think this thing actually took longer to format than to write. *sob*  
> -Further phylogenetic research on near-human species is currently underway in this lab.


End file.
